by Florence Ondré
I was musing this morning about how we take everything so seriously and ponder our words and actions, weighing the effects and reactions, thinking along the lines of, ‘what will they think, feel or do?’ or ‘how will this impact my life or the lives of others?’
And then the Robert Green Ingersoll quote, “In the presence of eternity, the mountains are as transient as the clouds,” came into my email box.
I love the serendipitous connections that show up, reminding me that everything is connected and, in this case, ‘don’t sweat the small stuff; it’s all small stuff’ remains true. Life’s still best when taken with a grain of salt and a sense of humor to lighten our bad selves up.
These reminders made me smile and, minutes later, I guffawed as my dear Tom tried to reach ever so carefully over the doorsill for the large package of mail which had been held at the post office while we were away, now just delivered. He was serious in trying valiantly and creatively to avoid touching where the exterminator had applied new organic, springtail pest remedy (which smells worse than the chemical poisons. we’re for organic but pew!).
There was Tom, pirouetting one-legged on a green piece of paper some advertiser had left on the porch; working to avoid his feet contacting exterminator slick; arms stretched like lifelines forward to grab the batch of mail which was held together with rubber bands, when it all went awry.
The bands went boing! and mail flew out like a splayed popcorn eruption, splat all over the porch.
I couldn’t help it. I laughed out loud and thankfully so did he. We rolled, recognizing the humor of how careful attempts can become another of ’funniest home videos’ and land you like a cartoon character, kerplunk, in the mud anyway.
The whole event reminded me that much of our days’ occurrences are fodder for future comedy routines.
Life laughs at us so why not join in? What are the alternatives? Getting your knickers in a twist; your panties in a bunch? Or a face full of frown furrows?
I’m thinking, ‘I’m getting lines on my face as I go and grow so they might as well be laugh lines.’
Experiences can seem so large and important to us; every situation practically a U.N. decision maker or breaker, only to find months or years later you can barely remember what the big fuss was all about and you laugh to think about how you agonized over it at all when here you are all this time later in such a different space, energy or mind set that makes what loomed large into a tiny grain of sand.
Perhaps you think someone special who hurt your feelings by not even acknowledging your birthday just didn’t give a hoot about you anymore. They know you’re a birthday celebrating fool and here they are M.I.A. on your special day! WTF?
You tuck in, feel unloved, vow to never celebrate them from here on out and nurse that mountain silently and stoically until months later you find a funny card with lots of hand scribbled ‘love you’s’ all over it, buried in some stack of mail which you never opened.
There you go.
There’s your molehill.
Talking with Tom, about the serious turned silly, we laughed about how much time we’d spent over the years worrying and getting bent out of shape about stuff that either never occurred or never wound up being all that and a bag of chips in the long run.
How many arguments have we all gone through and gotten over, past or around and thought, looking back, “What was the big deal? Why couldn’t I have taken a breath, said my piece and let it go or been silent and allowed the universal flow to bring better outcomes than I could imagine into being for the best for all? Why couldn’t I hold onto remembering that we are puny humans on a large revolving and evolving orb in a cosmos within a cosmos or the knowing that even mountains are passing clouds in eternity?”
It is a good thing that, among our attributes, we were blessed with a sense of humor.
What better place to laugh, than at one’s own self as we find our individual and common balances and footholds on our individual Everests?
My sons have grown to be responsible men today with beautiful families full of love and all the challenges and lessons that come with.
I see their children; my grand children (& they are so grand!) happy and laughing; sweet, loving and loveable and I know my boys are doing a good job as parents and as partners of beautiful, strong, creative women.
Their work in the world may vary and they may be serious about providing for and nourishing their families well. Being responsible is a good quality they all have. And I’m hoping they can at the same time, always tap-in to the kids they were in my home, where there were a lot of serious times and challenges, and above the trials and errors of life, remember the silly; the falling down, sidesplitting laughter with each other; giggling over goofs and antics; getting over hurts and slights and going back to the roots of humor as days became years gone by; remembering that love is what lasts beyond seasons and laughter lightens the load.
I hope my sons and their children have the ability to laugh long and often at themselves and life as it impacts the fan of every day living.
Maybe we can all remember that sometimes you get cabbage and sometimes it becomes slaw.
I say throw some pineapple in there. Vary up the meal of the day with the ingredients that show up.
That fan might help produce a new recipe to share.
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Quote For The Day
“In the presence of eternity, the mountains are as transient as the clouds.’
Robert Green Ingersoll, lawyer and orator (1833-1899)
Robert Green Ingersoll, lawyer and orator (1833-1899)
Friday, January 01, 2010
The Gratitude Pool...once in a...
Hello 2010!
With gratitude for so many miracles that got pulled out of aught nine, like rabbits from magicians’ hats, a sigh of relief deep as oceans runs through my being like a freight train that has turned its corner tracks; chugging up steep inclines through snowy, crisp cold alpine passes, now rolling along smoother terrain to mid balance climes; unstoppable in its ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Yesssssss, my soul sings and ‘Thanks Angels !’ is at the heart of my ‘endzone dance.’
Not that I feel I’m anywhere near the fourth quarter end zone. It’s just one of many touchdowns I’ll look back on from Heaven’s vantage point, when I have better vision than these human windows of wide wonder, at how things can turn around just when you think you’re a goner; just when you are convinced that you’re at wits end and no thing will come your way.
I breathe in the wonder and ever green growing gratitude that springs from a well of unending opportunities to have better than I can imagine, when I am forced to spin on the spit of life’s twists until I give up and give in to allowing things to manifest in ways and times far better than I imagined; when I am spent from trying to do it my way or society’s or someone’s way.
It’s then that I get a chance to view everything in and around me from a completely different perspective-albeit that point of view may be flat on the floor.
And when the kicking and screaming stop and I’m wrung out from wrestling with how I see it; how I want it, the it is surprisingly eye-opening…if and, only when, I allow it to coalesce into cleared sight.
This New Year’s Eve, was a blue moon night said to be double the energy of completion and cleansing. The way I saw it written was about more light edging out darkness in this new year; this new decade. I liked the sound of those words especially in light of how much change was wrought and the familiar wrested from us.
It was a bitch of a roller coaster year.
I don’t know many who wouldn’t agree with that on some level.
Losses overwhelmed, grief was at a multi-layered all time high and people got down to just chucking it all. So many hands thrown up in the air made us look like the planet was waving at God. ”Yeah, Big Guy, it’s us down here doin’ the wave and signaling the biggest SOS from stadium Earth.”
Yet, here I sit at 6 in the morning of the first day of the new decade and hope has replaced despondency and feral fear in my heart.
Breathing room seems to be rolling in on an optimistic tide and change wears a new costume, the fabric of which is softer, a bit more flowing and better fitted to new styles of being and doing… a more balanced garment…a one size fits all yet fits each, with room to grow…good for lounging and play as well as appropriate for the office…both day and evening wear for all occasions. Why, it’s the little black dress of the 2-10’s! A must have for all closets.
Back to basics.
Yup. We had to key up our courage, take the hem up, nip in the waist of that sucker and remove the shoulder pads in the jacket …and oh, what a sigh of relief at the end of the refitting to find that we are lighter and more creative; able to move more easily and wear the world like a loose garment.
The I-don’t-wanna-change look became so unwieldy or tattered that wearing it for another season of life became impossible.
The rat race ran out and only the rats won…and even that was was a ‘maybe’ award.
Our human race company had to take on an entirely different mission statement and change its ways of doing business.
And though we’re still digging out, today I have hope. For I am lucky enough to have realized, caved in and changed and am willing to clean, clear, reshape and allow myself and how I am in the world to unfold.
When I’m not fighting the tsunami of change, I can float the currents and find safer haven in ports of call I’d never even dreamed of visiting.
My partnerships are plentiful too. There’s H.P. a power greater than the old company of ‘me, myself and I;’ a host of Angels, Earth and Celestial, who each add their perspectives and talents to the whole and, though there still is a ‘me, myself and I,’ we take a lighter approach to the business of living; allowing a variety of sub contractors to pitch in and bring their best to every endeavor.
In this way; this backing down, stopping cold and allowing room for better than I can imagine to come from what looks like sheer catastrophe, miracles rise up between my eyeballs and slug me like a kid with a gigantic ‘Ha ha!’
OMG! I’m still here after the blizzard of aught nine, after the wipe outs, the bail outs, the chaos, the near not being here at all and the wanting to chuck it all in for real and for good.
Looking back, I see that I got what I asked the Universe for last year…not in ways I thought I wanted; not in safe little boxes of sameness.
No. My greater good came out of the proverbial blue; each one leading and threading one to another; surprising the hell out of me.
I wanted abundance first and foremost – and I meant money.
I wanted healing and perfect health.
I wanted creative projects.
And I figured if I had the first item on that wish list, the rest would follow.
But nooooooo.
What I got was abundance of opportunities to self care, be silent, notice the little things around which brought me joy that didn’t cost a penny and the about face which gave me that scenic view…which led to mind, spirit and body healing…which led to better health, perfect enough for each day…which led to becoming able to consider some superbly creative projects which came my way…which led to actually doing work which makes my heart sing, touches others and gives joy into the world.
Hmmm. Who knows? Perhaps that saying is accurate….’Do what you love and the money will follow.”
What I’m seeing more clearly is that currency comes in many shapes, sizes and forms other than folding cash. Coin of the realm depends upon which realm I’m focusing.
I have abundance of good, nourishing, supportive, unconditionally loving relationships on planet family of choice. Unlimited imagination and a willingness to learn and grow are part of the fabric of my being. Creativity and a desire to be of service in the world stand inside a loving heart and generous spirit and I have faith in all sorts of good appearing at just the right time; in just the right way.
My good this year has come in the miracles of multilayered manifestations where everything is possible when I remove the frame from the picture.
Some listen to me as I process on the way to progress and say, “Miracles, ha.”
I say, “Well, you know when those come around.”
And here we are on the first day of a new decade, after a unique colored, New Year’s eve moon...
for which I'm grateful.
With gratitude for so many miracles that got pulled out of aught nine, like rabbits from magicians’ hats, a sigh of relief deep as oceans runs through my being like a freight train that has turned its corner tracks; chugging up steep inclines through snowy, crisp cold alpine passes, now rolling along smoother terrain to mid balance climes; unstoppable in its ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Yesssssss, my soul sings and ‘Thanks Angels !’ is at the heart of my ‘endzone dance.’
Not that I feel I’m anywhere near the fourth quarter end zone. It’s just one of many touchdowns I’ll look back on from Heaven’s vantage point, when I have better vision than these human windows of wide wonder, at how things can turn around just when you think you’re a goner; just when you are convinced that you’re at wits end and no thing will come your way.
I breathe in the wonder and ever green growing gratitude that springs from a well of unending opportunities to have better than I can imagine, when I am forced to spin on the spit of life’s twists until I give up and give in to allowing things to manifest in ways and times far better than I imagined; when I am spent from trying to do it my way or society’s or someone’s way.
It’s then that I get a chance to view everything in and around me from a completely different perspective-albeit that point of view may be flat on the floor.
And when the kicking and screaming stop and I’m wrung out from wrestling with how I see it; how I want it, the it is surprisingly eye-opening…if and, only when, I allow it to coalesce into cleared sight.
This New Year’s Eve, was a blue moon night said to be double the energy of completion and cleansing. The way I saw it written was about more light edging out darkness in this new year; this new decade. I liked the sound of those words especially in light of how much change was wrought and the familiar wrested from us.
It was a bitch of a roller coaster year.
I don’t know many who wouldn’t agree with that on some level.
Losses overwhelmed, grief was at a multi-layered all time high and people got down to just chucking it all. So many hands thrown up in the air made us look like the planet was waving at God. ”Yeah, Big Guy, it’s us down here doin’ the wave and signaling the biggest SOS from stadium Earth.”
Yet, here I sit at 6 in the morning of the first day of the new decade and hope has replaced despondency and feral fear in my heart.
Breathing room seems to be rolling in on an optimistic tide and change wears a new costume, the fabric of which is softer, a bit more flowing and better fitted to new styles of being and doing… a more balanced garment…a one size fits all yet fits each, with room to grow…good for lounging and play as well as appropriate for the office…both day and evening wear for all occasions. Why, it’s the little black dress of the 2-10’s! A must have for all closets.
Back to basics.
Yup. We had to key up our courage, take the hem up, nip in the waist of that sucker and remove the shoulder pads in the jacket …and oh, what a sigh of relief at the end of the refitting to find that we are lighter and more creative; able to move more easily and wear the world like a loose garment.
The I-don’t-wanna-change look became so unwieldy or tattered that wearing it for another season of life became impossible.
The rat race ran out and only the rats won…and even that was was a ‘maybe’ award.
Our human race company had to take on an entirely different mission statement and change its ways of doing business.
And though we’re still digging out, today I have hope. For I am lucky enough to have realized, caved in and changed and am willing to clean, clear, reshape and allow myself and how I am in the world to unfold.
When I’m not fighting the tsunami of change, I can float the currents and find safer haven in ports of call I’d never even dreamed of visiting.
My partnerships are plentiful too. There’s H.P. a power greater than the old company of ‘me, myself and I;’ a host of Angels, Earth and Celestial, who each add their perspectives and talents to the whole and, though there still is a ‘me, myself and I,’ we take a lighter approach to the business of living; allowing a variety of sub contractors to pitch in and bring their best to every endeavor.
In this way; this backing down, stopping cold and allowing room for better than I can imagine to come from what looks like sheer catastrophe, miracles rise up between my eyeballs and slug me like a kid with a gigantic ‘Ha ha!’
OMG! I’m still here after the blizzard of aught nine, after the wipe outs, the bail outs, the chaos, the near not being here at all and the wanting to chuck it all in for real and for good.
Looking back, I see that I got what I asked the Universe for last year…not in ways I thought I wanted; not in safe little boxes of sameness.
No. My greater good came out of the proverbial blue; each one leading and threading one to another; surprising the hell out of me.
I wanted abundance first and foremost – and I meant money.
I wanted healing and perfect health.
I wanted creative projects.
And I figured if I had the first item on that wish list, the rest would follow.
But nooooooo.
What I got was abundance of opportunities to self care, be silent, notice the little things around which brought me joy that didn’t cost a penny and the about face which gave me that scenic view…which led to mind, spirit and body healing…which led to better health, perfect enough for each day…which led to becoming able to consider some superbly creative projects which came my way…which led to actually doing work which makes my heart sing, touches others and gives joy into the world.
Hmmm. Who knows? Perhaps that saying is accurate….’Do what you love and the money will follow.”
What I’m seeing more clearly is that currency comes in many shapes, sizes and forms other than folding cash. Coin of the realm depends upon which realm I’m focusing.
I have abundance of good, nourishing, supportive, unconditionally loving relationships on planet family of choice. Unlimited imagination and a willingness to learn and grow are part of the fabric of my being. Creativity and a desire to be of service in the world stand inside a loving heart and generous spirit and I have faith in all sorts of good appearing at just the right time; in just the right way.
My good this year has come in the miracles of multilayered manifestations where everything is possible when I remove the frame from the picture.
Some listen to me as I process on the way to progress and say, “Miracles, ha.”
I say, “Well, you know when those come around.”
And here we are on the first day of a new decade, after a unique colored, New Year’s eve moon...
for which I'm grateful.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Quote For The Day
"How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?"
Logan Pearsall Smith, essayist (1865-1946)
Logan Pearsall Smith, essayist (1865-1946)
Friday, March 09, 2007
"Out On A Limb"
by Florence Ondré
Awakening to another day of wild winds, bitter cold and sunshine instead of snow, this March day also brings me sweet chirping in the symphony of branches dancing on my window screens.
Mother Birdsong amps up notch to octave notch, letting the world know that someone has interrupted her lullaby for her little ones. “Tweety tweet tweet,” warble back the Greek chorus of feathered cherubs, as they practice for their own symphonies to come. Rehearsal is necessary for all life’s performances.
I lay in my warm bed, covers keeping me toasty warm as I stretch and lean to peek at the show outside my shade, finding nothing unusual or interesting in the high branches of a yet-to-bud cherry blossom tree but a dark nest looking object which turns out to be, upon closer inspection, a deep, navy blue ball which has lodged in the outstretched limbs between my neighbor’s house and mine. A weird gift from the next door daily children’s chorus of laughter and shreiks; game playing and ball tossing; “Chatter, chatter, chatter.”
Kids- whether in trees, bushes or on the ground; feathered, furred or skinned are practicing something or other that will stand them in good stead as they grow.
I’m just up here on the second floor noticing…and smiling.
Awakening to another day of wild winds, bitter cold and sunshine instead of snow, this March day also brings me sweet chirping in the symphony of branches dancing on my window screens.
Mother Birdsong amps up notch to octave notch, letting the world know that someone has interrupted her lullaby for her little ones. “Tweety tweet tweet,” warble back the Greek chorus of feathered cherubs, as they practice for their own symphonies to come. Rehearsal is necessary for all life’s performances.
I lay in my warm bed, covers keeping me toasty warm as I stretch and lean to peek at the show outside my shade, finding nothing unusual or interesting in the high branches of a yet-to-bud cherry blossom tree but a dark nest looking object which turns out to be, upon closer inspection, a deep, navy blue ball which has lodged in the outstretched limbs between my neighbor’s house and mine. A weird gift from the next door daily children’s chorus of laughter and shreiks; game playing and ball tossing; “Chatter, chatter, chatter.”
Kids- whether in trees, bushes or on the ground; feathered, furred or skinned are practicing something or other that will stand them in good stead as they grow.
I’m just up here on the second floor noticing…and smiling.
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Price Of Winter Fun
by Florence Ondré
Extra pain meds per day for those aches which tell you some precipitation is coming- and soon: Pennies
Fines for those overdue library books that couldn't be returned because of the latest snowstorm which took a surprising new approach from the forecaster's prediction: Nickels
Gas use incurred for forgetting half of what was on shopping list and having to go back out in sleet- one more time: Dimes
Parking in the city- if you can find an available one without mountains of black snow in it: Quarters
Running out of toilet tissue- in the middle of a blizzard: A few dollars ---for paper and gas.
Extra food bought and wasted because the weatherperson said there was a blizzard coming and only rain showed up: $20 to $30 plus
Toilet repair needed because the innards kept secretly pumping water into the tank nonstop for months: $300
Sewer bill for the unnoticed extra water flow: $100 -per month
Leaking roof over one room of house: $980
Repair two months after for same leaking roof in the middle of a Nor'easter, plus windows and storm door damages: Thousands
Going outside barefoot in subzero temps, tripping and fracturing one's own foot - on top of years of medical bills for spinal injury and still going strong: Hundreds of thousands
A mountain of Arrgghh! to go with: Pricless!
Extra pain meds per day for those aches which tell you some precipitation is coming- and soon: Pennies
Fines for those overdue library books that couldn't be returned because of the latest snowstorm which took a surprising new approach from the forecaster's prediction: Nickels
Gas use incurred for forgetting half of what was on shopping list and having to go back out in sleet- one more time: Dimes
Parking in the city- if you can find an available one without mountains of black snow in it: Quarters
Running out of toilet tissue- in the middle of a blizzard: A few dollars ---for paper and gas.
Extra food bought and wasted because the weatherperson said there was a blizzard coming and only rain showed up: $20 to $30 plus
Toilet repair needed because the innards kept secretly pumping water into the tank nonstop for months: $300
Sewer bill for the unnoticed extra water flow: $100 -per month
Leaking roof over one room of house: $980
Repair two months after for same leaking roof in the middle of a Nor'easter, plus windows and storm door damages: Thousands
Going outside barefoot in subzero temps, tripping and fracturing one's own foot - on top of years of medical bills for spinal injury and still going strong: Hundreds of thousands
A mountain of Arrgghh! to go with: Pricless!
Sunday, February 18, 2007
The Gratitude Pool: Taking The Plunge or Getting Submerged?
by Florence Ondré
The challenge to find a grain of gratitude in the middle of your own personal besetting of travails is daunting and yet doable.
Sitting down to write at least one thing I can find in which to be grateful is a snap on the good days and at times when I take a rare glimpse at the nightly newscast. It’s no biggy to feel grateful for the roof over your head and heat in your home while you see so many without one or the other in the middle of subzero temps and blizzards.
Sure, in the face of cataclysms which dwarf your own ills, it’s a hell of a lot easier to get perspective and toss in the towel of temptation to dismiss your own troubles as smaller or no thing to whine about. “Look, at least I have a walker or crutches,” you can say when you see thousands of people dying in a stadium in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina wiped out the very ground of earth, family and way of life. That’s a first level of gratitude expressed from the “Thank God I at least have___!” form of appreciation of what you do have no matter what your daily struggle may be. That’s getting down to the nitty gritty on the fast train.
What I find as laudable and life sustaining is finding gratitude in myself that, though as tiny as an irritating grain of sand in my shoe, may grow into a pebble or a boulder of being grateful for that which stops me in my tracks, makes me reach down to acknowledge the irritant, get grateful that I can actually feel it and be open to what comes next in the Universe’s lesson of awakening awareness in me in that moment.
As I notice that the sand is rolling around under my foot in my shoe, I can be thankful that I have a foot, a shoe, feeling in my extremities, ability to stop, to choose to empty my shoe, drop off the sand in its next area of residence, look and really see what is around me where I’m stopping. Then get grateful for my abilities in what ever state they are, be glad for eyesight (maybe there are beautiful flowers in a nearby garden or strip of concrete or a car coming at breakneck speed to run a light which might have knocked me out of my Earthsuit), sense of smell (perhaps a wind off the ocean brings a clean aroma of nature to brighten my intake of oxygen or a hint of gas that might be leaking invisibly under the street that needs someone to report it for repair). Experiences which if not for the grain of sand in my shoe and my stopping might have otherwise gone unnoticed.
Sometimes, gratitude shows up like today. I’m hurting in more places than I can remember hurting at one time and I’m about to throw a shoe at God, Angels, Universe, whoever’s out there or up there. I’m tired of finding the good in a boatload of crap and wondering what the Hell I could have done to deserve one more freeking health challenge; one more ounce of unleavened ache.
Yeah, I know that is not the question. But today I don’t much give a shit. It’s freezing outside. The heating bill will be astronomical. After 8 years of disability from a spinal injury, leaving me challenged to stand, walk or sit-especially on my left side -with no let up of pain in sight and no help from the medical field; a weird undiagnosed, unsolved mystery glue contamination on every inch of my body, house and grounds for the last 8 months; a spiky pain which appeared in the middle of one night weeks ago in my left toe, which feels like a sliver of glass is in there but has no outward, discernible cause and a now a fractured right foot, I mostly am embarrassed to even tell anyone there’s another catastrophe. I’m left thinking why bother anymore. Who the heck will want to hear another sob story? Who will believe this woman who touts gratitude as a benefit which greases the wheels of life making things easier, better, more positive, is anything but a sham, a bs er, a great big advertisement for anything else but gratitude?
Then, after a good cry or yell, I look outside my window to the backyard where the neighborhood cats are ice-skating and the squirrels are running across the utility wires with big snow balls in their mouths to try to tuck them into their nests in the trees. It's comical. I can’t help but laugh and be grateful I hobbled on my walker, snap crackling and popping from the bubble wrap taped on each hand-hold to try to ease my hands (one of which was fractured years ago and now aches from the daily pressure put on it by having to use crutches or a walker to get around the house). I notice how the dog whips his head up from his bed at the sound of the barrage of tiny explosions of air as the chambers of bubbles burst under my hands. I’ve become my own noisemaker in the party of life.
How could I not notice and laugh at myself, as well as the critters outside? We’re all just doing our best to get through the day, tending to basics. Somehow a bit of humor creeps in to bring a bit of happy to my misery.
And somehow, I feel grateful that I can lighten up. I can have gratitude and griping. The gratitude seems to soften my edges like the laughter lifts my spirit and the cumulative boulders I shoulder become bearable.
Do I want more or wish for things to be different? Yes. When pain is high and I’m caught in a body that finds another way not to work, yes I do with a vengeance of the fibers of my being reaching past shredded limits which scream, “Now! I want my miracle now! Heal me now!” I shriek inside with all manner of negotiating, bargaining about how I’ll do so much good if only I can have back my body that works.
On those days, after embracing my feelings, all of them; messy and unmanageable, I turn my mind to find what I have to be grateful for and treasures emerge around me in lessons of patience with myself, which radiate out as patience with others; a pleasure in accepting the goodness in me which also ripples out; enjoyment of what I can accomplish. Seeing the places where I cannot do for myself becomes dignity for someone else getting to feel good about helping me.
My physical disabilities have brought me the opportunity to meet and interact with angels in the helping professions of western and complementary health care, who stretched their own limits to partner with me in care that was best for me as an individual-not the usual rote. Were it not for my need, I’d never have had the occasion to meet these wonderful caring souls who enriched my path thus far.
Though I want to be healed and healthy again, I’m grateful for those who came into my life in compassion and kindness; who shared their own expertise and skills to enrich my life. They have nourished my being so I can do the same.
They got real with me and acknowledged that what I go through each day is hard and they don't think I’m Typhoid Mary or a magnet for all that is crummy in life. These wonders offset the people who meet my next calamity or loss of physical ability with, “What did you do now?” or “How could you be so dumb as to…?” or the hand wringers who moan and groan, “Oh, no not again…”
Just for today, I choose to be thankful that I’m not hand wringing even though I feel overwhelmed.
Just for today I will not overtax my immune system or energy field with what ifs, if onlys, and whys? My choice is to look at those cats and squirrels and the sun glinting off the ice field covering our neighborhood, to laugh at my own noisemaking and have a party on my couch with a good movie to watch; an interesting book to read; a stack of crackers with cheese and something cool or warm to drink, my meds if I need them, a good partner who loves me and helps me so much, the energy of unconditional love from the dog who plasters himself right up against the legs of my walker to be close to me; quiet and safety in my home; indoor plumbing; a bed and comfy covers for sleeping; electricity; heat and a bouquet of tulips opening slowly in the vase in my window from my honey; calls, e-mails or check-ins from friends who haven’t gotten tired of the same ol same ol and a mind that can still find the pony in a room full of horse pocky.
Meet you at the table on the other side where we can all look back and share our experiences of the many things we enjoyed and learned while here in Schoolroom Earth.
I’m thinking we’re in the advanced class!
The challenge to find a grain of gratitude in the middle of your own personal besetting of travails is daunting and yet doable.
Sitting down to write at least one thing I can find in which to be grateful is a snap on the good days and at times when I take a rare glimpse at the nightly newscast. It’s no biggy to feel grateful for the roof over your head and heat in your home while you see so many without one or the other in the middle of subzero temps and blizzards.
Sure, in the face of cataclysms which dwarf your own ills, it’s a hell of a lot easier to get perspective and toss in the towel of temptation to dismiss your own troubles as smaller or no thing to whine about. “Look, at least I have a walker or crutches,” you can say when you see thousands of people dying in a stadium in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina wiped out the very ground of earth, family and way of life. That’s a first level of gratitude expressed from the “Thank God I at least have___!” form of appreciation of what you do have no matter what your daily struggle may be. That’s getting down to the nitty gritty on the fast train.
What I find as laudable and life sustaining is finding gratitude in myself that, though as tiny as an irritating grain of sand in my shoe, may grow into a pebble or a boulder of being grateful for that which stops me in my tracks, makes me reach down to acknowledge the irritant, get grateful that I can actually feel it and be open to what comes next in the Universe’s lesson of awakening awareness in me in that moment.
As I notice that the sand is rolling around under my foot in my shoe, I can be thankful that I have a foot, a shoe, feeling in my extremities, ability to stop, to choose to empty my shoe, drop off the sand in its next area of residence, look and really see what is around me where I’m stopping. Then get grateful for my abilities in what ever state they are, be glad for eyesight (maybe there are beautiful flowers in a nearby garden or strip of concrete or a car coming at breakneck speed to run a light which might have knocked me out of my Earthsuit), sense of smell (perhaps a wind off the ocean brings a clean aroma of nature to brighten my intake of oxygen or a hint of gas that might be leaking invisibly under the street that needs someone to report it for repair). Experiences which if not for the grain of sand in my shoe and my stopping might have otherwise gone unnoticed.
Sometimes, gratitude shows up like today. I’m hurting in more places than I can remember hurting at one time and I’m about to throw a shoe at God, Angels, Universe, whoever’s out there or up there. I’m tired of finding the good in a boatload of crap and wondering what the Hell I could have done to deserve one more freeking health challenge; one more ounce of unleavened ache.
Yeah, I know that is not the question. But today I don’t much give a shit. It’s freezing outside. The heating bill will be astronomical. After 8 years of disability from a spinal injury, leaving me challenged to stand, walk or sit-especially on my left side -with no let up of pain in sight and no help from the medical field; a weird undiagnosed, unsolved mystery glue contamination on every inch of my body, house and grounds for the last 8 months; a spiky pain which appeared in the middle of one night weeks ago in my left toe, which feels like a sliver of glass is in there but has no outward, discernible cause and a now a fractured right foot, I mostly am embarrassed to even tell anyone there’s another catastrophe. I’m left thinking why bother anymore. Who the heck will want to hear another sob story? Who will believe this woman who touts gratitude as a benefit which greases the wheels of life making things easier, better, more positive, is anything but a sham, a bs er, a great big advertisement for anything else but gratitude?
Then, after a good cry or yell, I look outside my window to the backyard where the neighborhood cats are ice-skating and the squirrels are running across the utility wires with big snow balls in their mouths to try to tuck them into their nests in the trees. It's comical. I can’t help but laugh and be grateful I hobbled on my walker, snap crackling and popping from the bubble wrap taped on each hand-hold to try to ease my hands (one of which was fractured years ago and now aches from the daily pressure put on it by having to use crutches or a walker to get around the house). I notice how the dog whips his head up from his bed at the sound of the barrage of tiny explosions of air as the chambers of bubbles burst under my hands. I’ve become my own noisemaker in the party of life.
How could I not notice and laugh at myself, as well as the critters outside? We’re all just doing our best to get through the day, tending to basics. Somehow a bit of humor creeps in to bring a bit of happy to my misery.
And somehow, I feel grateful that I can lighten up. I can have gratitude and griping. The gratitude seems to soften my edges like the laughter lifts my spirit and the cumulative boulders I shoulder become bearable.
Do I want more or wish for things to be different? Yes. When pain is high and I’m caught in a body that finds another way not to work, yes I do with a vengeance of the fibers of my being reaching past shredded limits which scream, “Now! I want my miracle now! Heal me now!” I shriek inside with all manner of negotiating, bargaining about how I’ll do so much good if only I can have back my body that works.
On those days, after embracing my feelings, all of them; messy and unmanageable, I turn my mind to find what I have to be grateful for and treasures emerge around me in lessons of patience with myself, which radiate out as patience with others; a pleasure in accepting the goodness in me which also ripples out; enjoyment of what I can accomplish. Seeing the places where I cannot do for myself becomes dignity for someone else getting to feel good about helping me.
My physical disabilities have brought me the opportunity to meet and interact with angels in the helping professions of western and complementary health care, who stretched their own limits to partner with me in care that was best for me as an individual-not the usual rote. Were it not for my need, I’d never have had the occasion to meet these wonderful caring souls who enriched my path thus far.
Though I want to be healed and healthy again, I’m grateful for those who came into my life in compassion and kindness; who shared their own expertise and skills to enrich my life. They have nourished my being so I can do the same.
They got real with me and acknowledged that what I go through each day is hard and they don't think I’m Typhoid Mary or a magnet for all that is crummy in life. These wonders offset the people who meet my next calamity or loss of physical ability with, “What did you do now?” or “How could you be so dumb as to…?” or the hand wringers who moan and groan, “Oh, no not again…”
Just for today, I choose to be thankful that I’m not hand wringing even though I feel overwhelmed.
Just for today I will not overtax my immune system or energy field with what ifs, if onlys, and whys? My choice is to look at those cats and squirrels and the sun glinting off the ice field covering our neighborhood, to laugh at my own noisemaking and have a party on my couch with a good movie to watch; an interesting book to read; a stack of crackers with cheese and something cool or warm to drink, my meds if I need them, a good partner who loves me and helps me so much, the energy of unconditional love from the dog who plasters himself right up against the legs of my walker to be close to me; quiet and safety in my home; indoor plumbing; a bed and comfy covers for sleeping; electricity; heat and a bouquet of tulips opening slowly in the vase in my window from my honey; calls, e-mails or check-ins from friends who haven’t gotten tired of the same ol same ol and a mind that can still find the pony in a room full of horse pocky.
Meet you at the table on the other side where we can all look back and share our experiences of the many things we enjoyed and learned while here in Schoolroom Earth.
I’m thinking we’re in the advanced class!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Life Backwards
This just sent to me by my sister-in-law, Marilyn. Don’t know the author but whoever you are, thanks for the laugh. It’s winter doldrum time and I needed that. Thought I’d put it out here for anyone else who might need a chuckle for the day.
In Light & Love, Florence
*************
Sitting here retired, I finally observed what life is:
I want to live my next life backwards.
You start out dead… and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out… for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement … and collect your pension.
Then when you start work…, you get a gold watch on your first day, or in my case a check.
You work 40 years… until you’re too young to work.
You get ready for High School…. drink alcohol, party, and you’re
generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then…
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then…
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
In Light & Love, Florence
*************
Sitting here retired, I finally observed what life is:
I want to live my next life backwards.
You start out dead… and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out… for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement … and collect your pension.
Then when you start work…, you get a gold watch on your first day, or in my case a check.
You work 40 years… until you’re too young to work.
You get ready for High School…. drink alcohol, party, and you’re
generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then…
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then…
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
A For Attitude!
(This sent to me by my sister in law, Joyce, who is one of women's finest, courageous souls, having survived and triumphed over breast cancer.
Thanks Joyce for your bright, indominatable, beautiful spirit!)
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"Hmmm, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."
So she did and she had a fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Don't you love having choices.
Have A Day!
Thanks Joyce for your bright, indominatable, beautiful spirit!)
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"Hmmm, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."
So she did and she had a fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Don't you love having choices.
Have A Day!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Quote For The Day
"If you turn the word, evil, around you get the word, live. Live your life the best you can without worry about evil everywhere.
The moments of your life are live.
Like the arrangement of those four letters of the alphabet, it's about perception, perspective and focus.
The choice is yours as to how you see things and what you will do with your moments."
Florence Ondré- writer, poet, singer songwriter, photographer
The moments of your life are live.
Like the arrangement of those four letters of the alphabet, it's about perception, perspective and focus.
The choice is yours as to how you see things and what you will do with your moments."
Florence Ondré- writer, poet, singer songwriter, photographer
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